How to Recognize a Narcissist

There were and continue to be no shortage of verbal assaults on the good character of Barack Obama. Most are so absurd as to not even merit rebuttal. One that did catch my attention recently, however, was an email that claimed Mr. Obama was the poster boy for narcissism. I couldn't let this one pass, primarily because nothing is further from the truth. In fact, Obama displays far fewer narcissist tendencies than most of his political counterparts. Let's take a look at some of the clues that help us recognize a narcissist and you can judge for yourself.

Big, loud and braggadocios. The narcissist displays an air of superiority and haughtiness in both posture and speech. His body language and verbal language are typically loud, big and braggadocios. His speech is peppered with "I", "my", "myself", and "mine". No matter how he describes himself (which he does quite a lot) it is always in the extreme - richer, smarter, more creative more successful and so on. If he has struggled in life, it will always be a bigger and more profound struggle than anyone else.

Only interested in self. The narcissist likes to talk about himself and only about himself. He's not interested in others or what they have to say, unless he perceives them as helpful to him getting what he wants. He is impatient, easily bored, and has strong attention deficits – unless and until he is the topic of discussion. He can become disdainful, even angry, if he feels that others are intruding on his time and space.

Expects special treatment. The narcissist expects and often demands special treatment. To be served first, to pay less or get more, to talk directly to authority figures (and not to their assistants or secretaries), to be granted special payment terms, to enjoy custom tailored arrangements.

Is very class and rank conscious. The narcissist sees himself at the top of the food chain and also sees a very defined pecking order. He tends to react with rage and indignation when denied his wishes and if treated equally with others whom he deems inferior. Ever witness someone in a restaurant or shop vehemently dress down the waiter or sales clerk in front of everyone? That's your narcissist.

Jekyll and Hyde - Idealizes or Humiliates. The narcissist is not without compliments for those he sets his sites on. He can flatter, admire, woo, even idealize. But, like most things with the narcissist the extremes are always in play. His admiration is over the top, exaggerated, overdone, and therefore it's sincerity questionable. He can turn it on and off very quickly. Just watch the change when the target leaves the room. Or when the target rejects him. He can move from adoring to hostile in a moments notice. And the hostile jabs will be equally exaggerated and over the top.

All hat and no cattle. Ever been around someone who claims to be in the know on virtually every topic discussed? The person who's mastered every trade, climbed every mountain, and is friends with every powerful person? That's the narcissist. The narcissist never admits to ignorance in any field. He would have you believe he can do and already has mastered everything there is to master. But it's all show and no substance. One of the most effective methods of exposing a narcissist is by trying to delve deeper. With just a little bit of digging you can quickly expose the narcissist.

Impersonal. The Narcissist avoids emotions and emotional issues, preferring to intellectualize, rationalize and detach. Narcissists often refer to themselves in third person.

Lack of empathy. Think about someone you know who is naturally empathetic, able to connect with different kinds of people in a profound and meaningful way. Now imagine the opposite kind of person. That's a narcissist. A narcissist is unable (or certainly unwilling) to get out of themselves and into the lives and emotions of other people.